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| Blake Bailey |
Full Title: The Splendid Things We Planned: A Family Portrait by Blake Bailey
The question at the core of this soul-wrenching memoir is the extent to which a parasitic family member can be allowed to exhaust familial financial and emotional stores of love and forgiveness.
The splendid things planned in the title of this family portrait refer to the vague but infinite hopes of two boys growing up in a home where the stability of their parents’ marriage was nearly always precarious. Scott Bailey, a few years older than Blake, enjoyed the subtle advantages of being the first-born child, combined with the sense of being viewed, even by Blake, as handsomer of the two.
Early on, this did not create major conflict. Scott may have been their parents’ “golden Boy”, but, in a few years, Blake was also recognized as having intellectual and artistic ability, some of which transcended those of his older brother. In further ways, Scott’s freedom to exploit his seniority began to disintegrate.
The threads connecting the fabric of any family are impossible for any one member to define or disentangle from the perceptions of others. Still, Blake Bailey does depict in scourging detail, Scott’s deterioration from occasional cannabis user to heroin-addicted alcoholic.
At around this time, their parents’ marriage, long conflicted, began to dissolve. Whether these crises were interwoven will probably never be fully known. Although Blake recounts his own blunders and victories, as well as those of those close to him, Scott’s travails soon begin to absorb more and more of his overall canvas.
As often happens, the most troubled and least productive member of any family, however extreme and repetitive his demands may become, all too quickly becomes its magnetic center. Even those who initially refuse to comply can find themselves intertwined via slow osmosis.
Despite his bizarre behavior, and the family’s awareness, Scott must be left, at some juncture, to struggle through consequences by himself in order to learn, parents who have conceived and brought a child into this world, tend to find it impossible to disconnect to the point of letting him risk dying at a fairly young age, when they know they have the resources with which to sustain him. One more chance, followed by yet one further chance,-and then one more last one-at what point do parents surrender to hopelessness, and how long can the cycle continue?
Readers disturbed by the foulest of language, especially when aimed at one’s parents, may find this book too distressing. Still, those who persevere through its coarse and sordid wording, voiced by Scott, I believe, will find an enhanced understanding of this type of mental distortion, freed by drugs and alcohol to unharness bridled miseries. For my part, while horrified by reading recounts of Scott’s verbal and physical assaults on their mother, including a genuine threat on her life, I found a reluctant deepening of my own understanding.
Despite his years of flagrant drug-taking and extreme drinking, and self-justifying refusal to commit to any positive lifestyle, this mother held the belief that, as Scott had succeeded in the marine corps, honorably discharged, with a veterans’ pension, he could still access the will power to become a productive member of society.
It is up to future readers to decide whether this maternal perspective was realistic. At any rate, this book provides a roster of reactions and levels of involvement of father, mother, brother, and close but more detached relatives, regarding Scott’s escalating path towards disaster. Despite their growing frustration and fury, none of them could let their concern and tenderness to evaporate or dissolve.
Hence, in a circuitous way, this brings us back to our opening question: is there a limit to absolute love. Inferentially, if there is, do any of us wish to seek to overstep its boundaries?
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| Melanie Thernstrom |
Full Title: Halfway Heaven: Diary of a Harvard Murder by Melanie Thernstrom.
This book chronicles the emotional pain resulting in death, with social commentary as to how it might have been prevented.
Despite the respect inspired by many universities, the word “Harvard” resonates throughout the globe with almost reverential significance. Indeed, its sanctity was voiced when Vietnamese student Trang Phuong Ho was given a choice between Harvard and another eminent university. One close relative told her the choice was clear; Harvard was “halfway heaven”.
Having opted for Harvard, Trang could have spent a happy, fulfilling four years, had it not been for the horrific tragedy at the core of this book.
Conversely, Ethiopian student Sinedu Tadesse had already been emotionally scarred when she arrived at Harvard. During a political conflict in her homeland, Sinedu’s father was murdered. Sadly, as often occurs in such times, during her growing years, she became shunned and ostracized. This absence of friends created a feeling of isolation so deep as to impel her to spend every moment she could in intensive studying.
Having graduated at the top of her class in Ethiopia, Sinedu felt sure she had every reason to gain high enough grades from Harvard to enable her to enter its medical school, or one comparable in prestige. For some while, she felt no reason to worry; as long as she studied, she ought to do well.
Then, during an anguishing interview, she was told that while her grades were adequate, they were insufficient to gain her entry into a medical school. Her previous education had not equipped her with the knowledge to allow her to compete, realistically, with the thousands of applicant with higher grade point averages.
A basic understanding of the frameworks of these two young women is crucial in striving to understand the consequences of their later friendship and venomous dissension. As Sinedu struggled on both social and academic levels, Trang found it easy to develop warm friendships, while maintaining high grades. Thus, when she and Sinedu formed a bond, what became an enjoyable friendship for Trang grew essential to Sinedu, to the point of writing in her journal, “She will be the queen of my heart”.
In time, the two became roommates. Returning to Ethiopia, Sinedu brought back a native dress for Trang. Perhaps this dress had a deeper meaning for Sinedu than Trang understood. At any rate, Trang found Sinedu’s haphazard approach to room care disturbing. In addition, she viewed Sinedu’s constant demands for her company overwhelming. Hence, towards the end of the spring semester, Trang wrote a note to Sinedu saying that while she continued to like and respect her, she had decided to room in a suite with a few other girls during the upcoming fall term.
I will end the story line here, rather than ruin its catharsis for future readers. Largely, author Melanie Thernstrom offers a social commentary upon the ways in which even the seemingly topnotch universities ignore blatant signs of psychotic behavior.
At some point, Sinedu began phoning random numbers from the telephone directory to ask whoever answered the call to become her friend and listen to her outpourings of hurt and disappointment. Not surprisingly, most recipients of such calls hung up, feeling annoyed and bewildered. Still, one compassionate person, after having ascertained her name and location, alerted Harvard’s as to this bizarre and potentially dangerous conduct.
When questioned later, a university representative said, perhaps with a hint of sheepishness, this information had given them a heads-up as to observing Sinedu. Still, what is a “heads-up”? What does it mean when a student is manifesting symptoms of such despair as to plead for friendship via the voice of an absolute stranger?
Ms. Thernstrom, herself a Harvard graduate, relates having found her years there as nurturing – a quiet but definite preparation for career shaping and formation? Still, she acknowledges, she was not choked and bound by emotional or mental health issues.
Having described the Sinedu/Trang relationship, Ms Thernstrom discusses similar examples of other universities’ negligence, or deliberate obliviousness to conduct which shows the need for intensive efforts to ascertain and deal with its cause.
As this book was written around twenty years ago, it is hoped such attention has become more pro-active. Still, perhaps closer scrutiny is needed, if not to halt, at least to detect and curtail the increasing number of violent acts by one student towards one or more others.
