Goodbye, I Love You by Carol Lynn Pearson

Carol Lynn Wright Pearson was born September 27th 1939 and is a renowned American author and poet.

Carol Lynn Pearson’s memoir “Goodbye, I Love You” was written during the apex of the AIDS crisis.  AIDS is no longer the threat it once was, and gay marriage is becoming legalized in an increasing number of countries.  Still, the underlying pain of marrying someone, having children with him or her, and then learning this spouse has a hidden life, will forever be a source of profound anguish.

Upon meeting Gerald Neils Pearson at a party given by fellow Mormons, the author felt drawn to both his physical appeal and unique sensitivity.  Both having been brought up in the Mormon faith, they shared the same values: complete intimacy must wait until marriage, and even physical affection must be held in abeyance.  Hence, as they began to date and then form a relationship, Gerald Pearson’s lack of amorous zeal seemed a part of their mutual framework.  Then came the moment when Gerald admitted he had been intimately involved “with a guy-guys”.

Despite her dismay, Carol Lynn believed this would end after he found fulfilment in their marriage.  And so it seemed to, for some while, with only occasional hints of his gay leanings returning. Three children were borne by the couple before Carol Lynn became apprised of Gerald’s clandestine visits to gay bars.

The remainder of this memoir describes Carol Lynn’s reaction to this discovery, and Gerald’s eventual death from AIDS.  As she waited, with tenderness, at his side, she read him poems he requested, many of which she had written herself before and during their marriage.

It would be difficult for a book review to convey the emotion and growing understanding between Gerald, Carol Lynn and their children. In a sense, the closeness which evolved through the openness gave a deeper dimension to both the marital and familial bond than could have come into being during Gerald’s years of concealment.

I read this book in one afternoon as it was such a vital, moving reading experience. Indeed, its brevity is one of its strengths in that every word carries meaning.